Nobody likes to be let down by other people but unfortunately, in life, it happens.
It’s always after the experience has come to light or towards the end of the year that we reflect on all the hurt that we have experienced due to the actions of another. It’s never easy but in addition to healing from the pain, we also have to look within and think about what the particular experience has taught us about who we are and how we can handle our personal relationships/friendships better in the future.
In 2017, I have had two very deep experiences of betrayal and it came from two people who I never thought would hurt me. It took time and I had to do a lot of soul searching. Soul searching and reflecting isn’t always a beautiful experience. You will find out some unpleasant things about yourself too but at the end, you will come out a lot stronger and better than you were before…
My first tip to handling betrayal or any other disappointment in your life is…
- Don’t blame yourself – We are all guilty of this! As soon as we discover someone has done us wrong, we look at ourselves and start questioning all areas of our character – Was I not interesting enough? How could I not have known sooner? We have all done this and we need to stop. As you get older, unfortunately, there will be people around you who let you down. As humans, we are in control of our being: our character, our surroundings, our values, our likes/dislikes. Our behavioural patterns are imprinted in every thing we do. It is highly unlikely that anything we could do would stop an individual from causing you pain and disappointment. Understand that we all have choices to make – and if someone who has caused you pain is unwilling to be accountable for their actions, do not let it get to you. Thank the creator for the lesson, know that you are made exactly how He wants you to be and keep it moving.
- Think about what you have learnt from the experience – Every experience teaches us something (whether it is good or bad). Don’t be the kind of person who refuses to gather lessons from experiences – you are doing yourself no favours and if you find yourself in a similar situation again, you won’t be able to see right from wrong. A easy way you can weigh out the good from the bad is by journalling, talking to somebody who you trust or even having a meditation session (YT has really lovely meditation videos that you can use to support you). Once you are aware of what you have learnt from your tough period, you can start putting these lessons into practice. For example: if you feel that you are too open with people you barely know too soon, then maybe turn your focus onto spending time with the friends that you already have. Other friendships will come when the time is right. Also, never feel that you have to force friendships. Be yourself, love yourself and the right people will always find you. We weren’t created to be the same so don’t let anything or anyone deter you from what makes you YOU!
- Make a firm decision – are they in or out of your life?. Keeping an open mind is key and some people who have been betrayed or disappointed by someone that they care sincerely about may find it in their hearts to forgive – others do not. But this decision lies in your (the one who has been betrayed) hands. When thinking about whether to let someone in or not, take your time. You can’t make a decision a day after. As time passes, you may feel better or you may not. I would also recommend talking to the person. This will also help you make a decision as to whether or not you wish to continue the friendship/relationship. If the person seems open to addressing their faults, perhaps there’s an opportunity to repair your fractured relationship/friendship but if they don’t then perhaps, it’s a sign letting you know completely where you stand. Never hold onto the anger from a betrayal/disappointment for too long – the only person you end up hurting is yourself.
- Seek help if you need to – I’ve said this openly on my Twitter (on my break up tips thread – @Kelle_S6) and I’ll say it openly on here. If you need to seek help in order to be able to handle and accept certain things that are happening in your life – DO IT! I am incredibly proud and happy to be living in a time where millennials are understanding the importance of looking after their mental health. Your mental health starts with you and if you are not coping – identify it for what it is! Nobody should judge you. We have all been hurt and there’s no denying of the emotional, mental and physical impact negative experiences can have on the mind, body and soul. If you do decide to go to therapy then ask your GP to refer you to someone you can talk to once or twice a week. There’s always the option of seeking CBT if you think that would be more suitable for you.
I hope these tips that I have shared will help some of you handle betrayal and disappointment better. If you have your own tips/strategies for dealing with negative life experiences then please share them – I’d love to have a read.
What I would like to say to you all is never lose sleep over someone who has wronged you. Sometimes the creator really does give His strongest battles to His strongest soldiers. Once we are aware of what we won’t stand for in life, we are able to build stronger, healthier and mutually beneficial relationships.
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