Dating Dealbreakers

Hi guys, welcome to my space!

In this post, I’ll be talking about dealbreakers in dating. Everyone has something to say when it comes to unacceptable actions during the dating period. Dealbreakers have been at the centre of many tweets, debates, relationship blogs, articles and even the odd video on YouTube.

giphy-downsized (42)

There is a big step between recognising a clear dealbreaker and actually taking enforceable action such as addressing the issue with the person you are dating or in the worst of cases, going ghost.

giphy-downsized (43)

Personally, I have adopted a very discriminatory approach when it comes to dating. That doesn’t mean I’m picky…

There’s a clear difference between being picky and discriminatory. Being picky focuses more on the outer appearance (looks,possessions etc) while being discriminatory should encourage a person to focus on things such as character, family background, future aspirations etc.

So far, I have found that this approach is best. I’ve found that I’m very protective over who I give my time and my energy to. I wouldn’t encourage any woman to date every single man who shows her a bit of interest. Taking the time to actually see what you are dealing with is essential. Get to know each other and then the idea is that you use what you know to make an informed choice as to whether there will be a date. This kind of thinking saves so much time. In a year and a half of single life, I have briefly dated 3 people.

Although these experiences were brief, I am thankful for them because I was able to think long and hard about what I value in a potential partner. In this day and age, the sad reality is that the majority of people going out on dates really have no clue what they are looking for.

The Independent recently published an article claiming that single people will spend 96 million hours and £2 billion pounds on bad dates so maybe being discriminatory isn’t so bad after all…

giphy-downsized (35)

Here are some things that I believe are dating dealbreakers:

•Poor communication

giphy-downsized (45)

As millennials, we do tend to make excuses when it comes to the regularity of communication during the talking stages/lead up to a date.

If someone asks you out on a date and you don’t hear from them until a few hours before the date, this is a definite red flag.

I am a firm believer in a guy registering his interest. If a man wants a woman, he will make it known and he will be consistent. If he really wants to get to know you and ultimately start dating you he will make an effort to communicate by phone and text and if he doesn’t do this then he’s just not that into you.

•Quality of conversation

giphy-downsized (46)

Call me particular but the kind of conversations you are having with potentials are also important. I’m an intellectual and my preference is to engage in conversations where I talk about the world, politics, life…all that lovely stuff.

If a guy seems to talk about things that lack substance all the time then you might be wasting your time. A good way to see if you are is by talking to him about something that interests you and see how he responds. Being in the presence of someone who knows how to express themselves is enlightening. I’m not saying you should only date men who have the intellect of a motivational speaker but still, seek an effective communicator who can hold his own in a conversation. This may sound O.T.T but tracking his social media activity can give you a glimpse into his world and what matters most to him.

•Bad manners

giphy-downsized (47)

A huge dealbreaker! A man who does not respect those who are inferior/superior to him is a man that isn’t worth your time. Manners are needed in everyday life and if your potential can’t be nice to people around him then what makes you think he’s going to be nice to you? Also, pay attention to how he treats family and friends.

•Unemployment/Refusal to look for work

giphy-downsized (48)

This is somewhat of a controversial dealbreaker because of the differing opinions and questions such as ‘What if he has all the qualities you look for in a man but he just hasn’t found his purpose yet?’

I don’t think a woman who is secure within herself and knows what she wants should date an unemployed man. If you are goal oriented and have high hopes for the future, then you should attract and want to be with a man who also wants these things. What you don’t want is to be a high flyer career wise and have a partner who stays indoors playing on his PS4 all day. We all make our own choices but when it comes to unemployed men, be VERY careful as the majority of them are out to shatter your dreams and that’s a fact.

Also be weary of guys who can’t give you a proper explanation of what they do for work. Don’t see money and status and get caught up when you have absolutely no clue how they are earning their money. You will end up finding out you have either worried about nothing (which is fine) or you will end up very embarrassed/humiliated when truths comes to light. Don’t take the risk.

•Interest

giphy-downsized (49)

Again, as women we spend far too much time looking for signs when they are right there in plain sight.Interest and effort go hand in hand. If there’s no interest, there’s no effort. It’s that simple. Don’t waste any time and thought space hoping that he will feel differently about you one day. If a guy wants to move things forward you will know and that’s when you are in a position to reciprocate what you are receiving (if you wish).

•Failure to be transparent or clear about what it is they want

giphy-downsized (4)

Again, this is quite similar to interest but if they say they want one thing and do another (so if their actions aren’t matching their words) then it’s possible that they may be emotionally unavailable. Anyone taking you for a ride is not worth your time. Whether it’s fun or a serious relationship, you should always know where you stand after a significant amount of time. Don’t stay quiet for so long that you end up in a situationship. Know where you stand! All the time!

• Any negative self talk (you are too good for me, my ex was crazy and unstable or anything along those lines)

giphy-downsized (50)

This dealbreaker should have most women running as far away as they can BUT still some of us can’t help but fall into this trap. If a man tells you that you are too good for him, the best thing you can do is believe him. He is subconsciously pre warning you of the possible hell, confusion, indecision and heartbreak he is planning to bring into your life. Girl, run, just run and don’t look back!

We’ve all bid people adieu in our lifetimes and sometimes saying goodbye does suck but if a guy can’t say anything nice about a previous partner, this is a major cause for concern and it won’t be long until you start to see why he has so many exes. Asking a guy how his previous relationship ended is a must. Aim to do this within 2-3 dates.

• Bad hygiene

giphy (2)

Taking care of yourself is a necessity. Tasks such as showering, brushing your teeth, doing the laundry and eating the right foods are necessary for human survival and if your potential can’t take care of themselves, how do you expect them to take care of you?

Remember this:

If you continuously practice self love, then the idea is that your tolerance for the kind of men who commit the dealbreakers I have mentioned in this post will decrease. Remember that a man is not a project. It is NOT your job to fix, heal or coddle anybody’s son. Engrain your dating/relationship expectations in your head and stick to them like paper sticks

Personally, I would like to see my fellow millennial women making wise and informed choices. If you spend so much time looking after yourself (work, play, self care, business endeavours etc) then why would you allow someone to come into your life and turn your world upside down?

Don’t settle, what you are looking for is out there.

I hope you have enjoyed this post and feel free to let me know what your dating dealbreakers are. I’d love to hear from you.

Kel xo

 

Advertisements

8 Replies to “Dating Dealbreakers”

  1. Yess!! The “negative self talk” really got me!
    “He is subconsciously pre warning you of the possible hell, confusion, indecision and heartbreak he is planning to bring into your life.”
    So true lol! And what’s worse: You gotta spend the entire date making up for his lack of confidence. No thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ll deffenetly take notes on this post! thanks!😊✌ I got a question though…

    what if the guy is loyal and a good man but he is a convicted felon with a bad history but he’s slowly trying to turn his life around…

    you already answered my question on the job thing… Even though no matter how much he tries he is always rejected…

    o ya… and what if he didn’t even make it out of the eight grade because of family issues. it wasn’t that he didn’t want to go. he just was facing some bad days…

    But he remains humble with a massive amount of strengths all around, morals, respect, with alot of courage and heart and is a great protector of the ones he cares about. he just wants a 2cound chance in life…

    Would you date a guy like that…

    I’m just asking for a friend of mine… lol!

    But this is a verry verry great post and I respect honesty in real people like yourself….

    but… can you help me… oh I mean my friend out please….. please….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have been meaning to reply to your comment. Wow, it sounds like you have been through it. I think that you should be proud of yourself because you are trying to turn your life around, it takes a lot of courage and determination to do this. In regards to education, I know that ex offenders in the UK can gain qualifications by doing short courses but I’m not sure what the case is in America, you should find out what’s out there in terms of studies. I’m sure everything will work out in the end, continue to stay optimistic. Now, to answer your other question, I’m not sure if I could lol. I’m glad you liked the post though 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes I definitely had some bad times. Over in the USA the government only looks out for the rich or upper class…

        So imagine how it is if you were born into poverty…

        anyway thanks for your nice comments…

        Well we have programs inside and out side of prison. But 80% of the people in the city were I’m from. Get promised all these things. Get home and no one wants to give you any work…

        If you do get work though… Your pay check is so light that you can’t even support yourself…

        It’s very fucked up for majority of black people from deadly city’s. 70 to 75 percent of the city where Im from.

        Black males are unemployed… So how do you think they pay rent and put food on the table..

        It’s like your In a prison on the outside of prison. No one cares… they just see all the bad shit we do on the media but never asked us why we did it. All in order to survive…

        One slip up and it’s back to jail… It’s a sad never ending cycle… It’s Fucked…

        Now as far as going back to school. you have to have the proper transportation.. or catch busses or cabs… Ain’t nobody got the money to be doing that everyday..

        If you are the type of person that has a strong famly… You can probably make it until they get tired of helping financially…

        So then your back to square one…

        lol! you don’t have to answer the other question. Because you already did…

        Thanks and peace to you…

        Like

  3. Another good post Kelle,
    I jumped up as soon as I read about the negative talk. So very very true, theory tested and proven right .. I’m on high alert of men who talk like this my trainers come with me on every date I go on and hygine the guys I’ve come across who don’t wash their hands after using the toilet is diabolical and down right disgusting but yes al lot of guys are like this..

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: