Understanding Feminine Energy

For many of us, energy is something we need in order to get through each day.

A few years ago, I hadn’t even heard of masculine or feminine energy, but they are a thing and both energies can have an impact on how you navigate in relationships.

Before I start, I just want to say that masculine and feminine energy have nothing to do with gender. Women and men all exhibit masculine and feminine energy in our own unique ways, however, in some of us one energy form is more dominant than the other. If this is the case, then some balance is needed in order to cultivate a healthier relationship with ourselves and others.

Feminine energy

Over the past year or so, I came to the realisation that I was exhibiting masculine energy. I am actively working on embracing my feminine energy a lot more which is going well so far. Honestly speaking, I was not surprised because I’m an introvert, so naturally I keep myself to myself. It is really easy for me to zone out and get into self-protection mode. 

Also, some of you will know that the past few years were quite hard for me personally and professionally. This realisation also caused me to reflect on my early life. I was raised by a mother who exhibited masculine energy. Because she was a single mother, she felt like she had to be the father as well. As an adult, I can understand this way of thinking but it can be harmful especially when you are not encouraging your daughter to embrace her femininity and feminine power. 

Single mothers are self-sufficient because they have to be. There’s no-one around to support them and they do pass self-sufficiency onto their children (even if they don’t mean to). Being on the receiving end of masculine energy for most of my early and adult life led me to seek relationships with men who I would have power and authority over. Not so I could control them, but so I could be the strong, self-sufficient woman, so this behaviour must have given my previous partners the impression that they were not really needed. The truth about mutually fulfilling relationships is that they require effort from both sexes. Both parties will need to tap into their respective energies in order to maintain the relationship otherwise it doesn’t work. 

Happy couple with their foreheads together chopping vegetables

I had a good, strong head on my shoulders and I didn’t want to appear weak or vulnerable, which only left me hurt in the long run. Vulnerability is something I never saw growing up, so I would always feel over-exposed whenever it crept up on me. Last year, I told you all about my decision to go to therapy a few weeks before I turned 30. My therapist and I discussed the struggles I had with vulnerability. It turned out that something as simple as receiving a compliment made me uncomfortable. I’m glad I was able to do the work and find simple ways to embrace my femininity as well as realise that I don’t need to be hard or strong all the time. Being soft is not a sign of weakness, and this is something I wish more women knew.

So, in order to understand feminine energy, you need to understand masculine energy a little as well. Masculine energy is very assertive (think risk taking, decision making as well as control or competitiveness). On the other hand, feminine energy is expressed when we are able to let go and move with the flow of life. Femininity centres itself on creativity, nurturing, expressing and receiving. I think that feminine energy encourages anyone who exhibits it to connect with themselves whereas masculine energy does the complete opposite.

Feminine energy

Here are some tips that have helped me tap into my feminine energy a bit more:

Connect with yourself whenever you can 

In order to tap into your feminine energy, you need to take the time to get to know yourself better. Some of the things you can do include meditating, journaling or even checking in with yourself. All of these three require you to be open and to feel at ease, and when you are at ease you give clarity and peace the opportunity to find you. Don’t underestimate the importance of connecting with yourself, especially during these unprecedented times. For me, journaling has got to be the most effective so far but I tend to reach for my journal when I need to offload or set a few goals for the week ahead, and that’s ok. Finding a way to express yourself as regularly as you can will help you on your femininity journey. Note: when you check in, please don’t use words like happy or sad. Be super descriptive about how you are feeling and why.

Pretty white flowers held against a woman's chest

Do the things you enjoy 

Making time for enjoyment is something that the majority of people do, but a lot of us don’t feel good about ourselves afterwards. We feel guilty or we start to think about other things we could have done with that time. Life isn’t monotonous. You should be making time for the things you love to do, the things that make you smile, the things that fill your heart with joy. Writing has always been something I love to do because it gives me the opportunity to be creative. If I haven’t written an article in weeks, I feel like something’s missing, so I’ve made a promise to myself to blog more in 2021. Something else I love to do is travel (but the panoramic said no!). I also like to read and cook in my spare time. If you can’t find a hobby or something to bring you joy, think about the things you liked to do when you were a child. Sometimes, we have to think about the things that captivated our hearts in our early lives and bring them into the present.

Feminine energy

Take pride in your appearance 

Through the years, I have had a love-hate relationship with my appearance. When I was in secondary school, I was bullied a lot and most of the comments that people would make were about my looks. I remember walking home from school talking to a friend about all of the surgery I was going to have when I got older because I believed that there was a problem with the way I looked. My struggles got worse, mostly because of my need for validation. I wanted to be called ‘the pretty girl’ just once in my life, and then I would feel like I was enough. When I called off my engagement a few years ago, the relationship I had with the way I looked got worse. I would talk myself out of wearing certain things and I just didn’t feel good about myself at all. 

To anyone who isn’t feeling great about how they look, trust that things get better. As you get older, you learn to love and appreciate yourself a lot more. Of course, I still have little hang ups but they aren’t as detrimental as they were back then. I love the way I look when I dress up and put some nice makeup on and I also love the way I look when I’m on the sofa at home, watching quiz shows and shouting the answers at the TV.

Some people who are on their femininity journey make little tweaks like changing their hair colour or wearing brighter colours and that’s fine, but your main goal should be to work with what you have first. Realise that you are enough as you are and everything else will flow as and when it should.

Woman looking in the mirror doing her makeup with her hair wrapped in a towel

For those of you who are interested in incorporating more colour into your wardrobe, Femme Luxe Finery have some bright and beautiful Bodycon Dresses. I’m loving the Blue Chinese Print Mesh Bodycon Midaxi Dress. When everything goes back to some kind of normal and we are able to travel again, I’ll definitely be wearing it on a beach holiday.

Feminine energy

Be open to receiving 

Even as I type, this tip is triggering me on so many levels. If I had a nickel for every time I had an issue with receiving, I would have a suitcase full of nickels. Again, I think that problems with receiving may stem back to my childhood. 

I didn’t really understand the concept of receiving because I wasn’t taught to, and this set the tone for a lot of the relationships I have had in my life. Whenever someone would do something nice for me, I’d experience a great level of discomfort. In my head, I’m thinking ‘Why would he/she want to do this for me?’ and that’s absurd. If someone wants to do or say something nice to you, just accept it. Receive it. 

It wasn’t until I went to therapy that I realised I had a big problem with receiving. My therapist complimented me and told me to sit with that compliment for a few minutes and let me tell you, that was incredibly uncomfortable for me. My self-esteem had taken that much of a battering through the years. I’m pleased to say that I have a much better relationship with receiving.

If you feel like you have a problem with receiving, do evaluate your relationship with it. Go back to your childhood and think about whether you were made to feel like you were unworthy of receiving. Remember, that parents raise you according to their level of awareness, so this isn’t an opportunity to place blame, but it is an opportunity to heal, grow and renew your relationship with receiving. Learning how to receive with grace will allow you to show gratitude, love and appreciation. These are three things that embody what it means to live a full life. You have to be grateful, you have to show love to yourself and to others and you also have to appreciate life in all its beautiful and crazy stages.

Happy woman

Reflect on your relationship with your dominant and less dominant energy, and be honest about it!

Some women haven’t grasped the concept of masculine and feminine energy. Even I said that I wasn’t familiar with it early on in the post. In order to understand both energies, you need to read about them and you also need to be honest about which is your more dominant energy and which energy you exhibit less of. At work, a lot of us will possess masculine energy because we need to get things done. There isn’t a lot of room for creative thinking unless your work requires you to think creatively. Feminine energy comes through when we are more relaxed and aren’t trying to control everything. It does make sense when you think about it. One of the reasons why we need to adopt a level of awareness of these energies is because of the impact it has on relationships. 

Women with masculine energy tend to be strong, and when you pride yourself on your strength, it can be hard to know when to let go. I’ve talked about this a lot but when I started my job in 2018, I wanted to be everything to everyone in my team. Until the day I had to prepare resources for two events which were expected to be well attended. I had a few hours to print a number of documents and I also had a train to catch (because I had to attend both events which were up North). I remember the moment where I gave in and told my colleagues I needed help. They stopped everything they were doing to support me, and I couldn’t thank them enough.

The reality is that if I had learned to let go of the idea that I had to do it all and be it all to every single person I was supporting, I would have been able to request help with ease. The masculine energy I was exhibiting held me back. It’s ok to need help, it’s ok to ask for help and it’s certainly ok to receive help. I wanted to share this example to show how important it is to embody both energies as a woman and to recognize when one energy may be overtaking the other. So, an easy way to start to reflect would be to write down a list of qualities you possess and think about whether they are masculine or feminine. Here is an article that explores the qualities of each energy for your reference. Once you know what you have more/less of, you can start to make little changes to bring a sense of balance into your life. It will take time, but it will be worth it.

Close up of pink flower

Did you know about masculine and feminine energy before you read this post? If this is a completely new concept to you, please let me know your thoughts in the comments xo

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  • Laura
    February 26, 2021

    That was a really interesting read. I’ve been thinking about vulnerability a lot so you touched on some really good points that really resonated with me. Thanks for breaking this all down as clearly as you did!

    • itskellesspace
      February 26, 2021

      Thank you Laura. With last year’s sudden events, I think many people have had to embrace vulnerability in all it’s forms.
      I’m glad that you were able to resonate with the points that were made.

  • Tinuke
    March 2, 2021

    I really enjoyed this post, I knew masculine and feminine energy was a thing but I didn’t really deep it and reflect, till I read your post. I love the vulnerability and the tips you shared to tap into your feminine energy more.

    • itskellesspace
      March 2, 2021

      Thank you Tinuke, I’m glad you enjoyed reading the post.

  • Siobhan Gale
    March 4, 2021

    Such a great posr! A really interesting read. Siobhan ♡ | Vegan Babe Life

    • itskellesspace
      March 5, 2021

      Thank you!

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Understanding Feminine Energy