I’ve written quite a few posts about relationships and life as a single woman and its been amazing to read your comments, whether you’re sharing your own personal experiences or an opinion, its so appreciated.
This is another relationship related post BUT it is a little different than what I’ve done before… I have joined forces with the lovely Wini Boansi to share tips on how you can reinvent yourself after a breakup. Wini is a content creator/writer and blogger (like myself) and she’s also a vlogger too! – don’t forget to subscribe to her channel.
Wini and I came up with the idea for this post as we felt that a lot of young women would be inspired. I think that we live in a time where too much emphasis is put on the environmental aspect of getting over a break up (e.g: don’t listen to sad songs) but I think that getting over a break up lies in reinvention. Reinvention is essential because you’re not the same person once you’ve had your heart broken or experienced a disappointment, so looking within is a must…
How to reinvent yourself after a breakup by Wini
Knowledge is power so taking in useful information and tips (such as what you are currently reading) is definitely a step in the right direction. Read books, blogs, forums, articles etc. on various ways you can overcome a break-up. Alexandra Redcay’s talk on selecting the right relationship is a real eye opener.
After a previous breakup, I realised that I was not confident about myself. Coincidentally I stumbled across a blog and the owner of the blog had written a book entitled Men Don’t Love Women Like You .The title is bizarre I know, however the book provides multiple ways on how to become confident within yourself, as well as tips to use when you are ready to start dating again. (I promise you that this book is empowering and has done wonders for me!)
Definitely pick up a new hobby. Were you thinking about getting involved with yoga? Do your research and find out where the nearest yoga class is! Into make up? Why not kick-start that blog or YouTube channel that you’ve been contemplating about for the past 6 months? Now is the time to preoccupy your time and mind with a hobby that compliments the new you.
Whatever new hobby you take on, make sure it is something that adds positivity and value to your life. Make sure it puts a smile on your face and excites you. Even if it is something you have not previously thought about doing, what’s the harm in trying something new? Step outside of your comfort zone.
Breakups may not always end badly, however, the fact of the matter is that you are no longer in a relationship with someone you once cared for. During this time, you may feel low or very reflective about the situation. Rather than staying fixated on what could have been, try to do little things to make you feel good.
Below is a list of a few ways:
A trip to the nail shop
Cook or order in your favourite food
Communication is key. During a breakup you may experience emotions that you’ve never felt before. Talking to someone can make a difference. Confide in someone you trust: it can be a family member, friend, a professional or it might even be with a stranger that you cross paths with while on your travels… you never know. For those of you who are more introverted why not try writing a journal? You will gain confidence in expressing your thoughts and feelings in various ways.
MINDFULNESS & MEDITATION
Mindfulness and meditation can help you to manage your emotions and thoughts after a breakup.
Acknowledging how you feel about the situation, and not suppressing your emotions is key. You need to understand why you feel the way that you do, and if while meditating you can’t quite understand why, try writing down how you feel, exactly how it comes to mind.
Although we may have no control over the breakup, we do have control on how we allow the break up to affect us. Doing a simple thing such as closing your eyes and focusing on your breathing, your feelings and thoughts, is key to overcoming your breakup.
If at anytime you are feeling tempted to react harshly/negatively close your eyes and meditate on that idea. Reflect on what the possible consequences of reacting that way may be, and try to find a compassionate way of dealing with the situation. Forgiveness is not compulsory, but if you feel that it may be the best way to let go of any hostile feelings, use mindfulness and meditation to aid that decision.
How to reinvent yourself after a breakup by Kelle
Prayer has provided me with so much clarity since my break up. If you don’t pray, then alternatively you can practice meditation instead. Prayer allows you to open yourself up spirituality, without a fear of judgement or condemnation. When you pray, I would advise that you be completely honest with yourself. Tell God how you are really feeling, after all, he is your Father and he will comfort you through good times and bad times.
I remember watching a T.D Jakes sermon about a week after I had moved back home. Everything he was saying related to what I went through and I remember trying to be so strong, taking it all in but within seconds I started to cry. I realised that I needed that outlet, so to add to Wini’s earlier point, if you need to cry, cry. If you need to shout, scream, kick, break: just do it. It’s all a part of the healing process which will allow you to move on with your life.
This is always a challenging one because women especially are taught to stay indoors, eat the biggest box of chocolates and watch romantic movies until the tears start falling. It’s time to get rid of this way of thinking because it does more harm than good. Now is the time to keep yourself busy. Becoming single (especially if it’s sudden) will shock your system and you’ll find you have a lot of spare time on your hands so socialising is essential.
Meet up with that friend you haven’t seen in a few months, visit your favourite restaurant, go to the library, attend workshops related to areas you may be interested in, take a class at the gym instead of using equipment all the time…the opportunities for socialising are endless. Get yourself out there, don’t hide. You are entering a new chapter in your life and you should do it with your head held high. I’m not saying you should go out every weekend or fill up your diary, monitor your social activities and of course, if it does become overwhelming, take a step back. There’s nothing wrong with a nice glass of wine, good food and Netflix.
I’ve discussed looking within in my posts: Operation Build A Man and Musings Of An Introvert. This is something that some women fail to do. In the minds of some women, it is always the man’s fault. This type of thinking is very unhealthy because you won’t be able to reflect and evaluate your behaviour in your relationship. Honesty IS the best policy and it’s not conducive to what we tell others, we also have to be honest with ourselves too!
You may decide to identify your personality type. I found out I’m an INFJ and I have to say, this has helped me understand myself a great deal. You can also write down things you like about yourself and what you think could be improved on. In addition to getting to know yourself better, you have to take a look around you. Are you surrounding yourself with people who bring out the best in you? Are your circle positive, uplifting and supportive?
I would really encourage women out there who have gone through a difficult break up to self evaluate. As mentioned earlier, you won’t be the same person you were before: your character will change, you will have new needs/expectations/goals in life and in personal relationships, so keep an open mind. The ‘I Am Who I Am’ complex is self destructive and will not do you any favours.
Invest in something that improves your space and enhances your wellbeing. I’m not saying you have to remodel your home or redesign your room but there are little things that you can do to improve your surroundings. Do you have things that you want to give to charity? Would a book organiser be a welcome addition to your table? Is there an old computer or stereo that you need to get rid of? If the answer is yes, then take action because it has been psychologically proven that cleaning improves mental and physical health.
Reinventing yourself after a breakup (especially a difficult one) isn’t easy but you are in control of the healing process. Take steps to work towards a happier, healthier and more confident you. No situation is permanent and you have the ability to bounce back from any setback life brings to your door. Think positive, be positive.
I hope you enjoyed this post guys and as always, feel free to leave a comment below. Also, don’t forget to like and subscribe to Wini’s blog, channel (there are links at the top of the post) and to IKS!
I created a thread on Twitter last year about getting over a break up which can be found here