The Single Life: Do’s And Don’ts

I’ve already written a few posts about relationships

For this post, I’ve decided to do something different. I’ve collaborated with bloggers and they are going to share some pearls of wisdom with you in regards to the single life. The reason why I decided to do this is to let you all know that single life is what you want it to be, not what society says.

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I’ve asked each blogger who has contributed to share one ‘DO’ and one ‘DON’T’.

I hope you enjoy this post!

Liv at It’s Not A Trumpet –

DO – Spend more time ‘creating yourself’ by discovering new things, going out with friends, being experimental with your look, taking time to truly know yourself and what you want out of life, then find a person who matches that.

DON’T– Be too clingy with friends who are in relationships just because you’re not not in one. Respect the fact that they need space and time to connect with their other half so don’t get offended or possessive when they decide to spend a little time with their partner rather than you.

Chrissie at Vamp It Up Manchester –

DO – Rather than putting all of your energy into trying to find the right partner, join fun groups and explore hobbies so you are growing and meeting like minded people. They might be one of them!

DON’T – Keep compromising on dates, like a sudden change of destination, or waiting for ages if they are late and uncommunicative or if they aren’t dressed appropriately. What you are (and aren’t) willing to accept on dates pretty much sets the standard for how that person will continue to treat you.

Jan at U Can Crate

DO – Learn to love your body and understand your own sexuality. You know what I mean ladies, explore yourself and get to know what you need.

DON’T – Put up with shit men. If you get bad vibes, get out. Oh and if they treat the waiter badly, bin them off.

Kat at The Creative Wedding Fair –

DO – Find things which make you happy. Rediscover old hobbies, check out new bands, watch those guilty pleasure shows on Netflix, spend time chilling out with friends, take some classes, travel – make amazing memories which centre around yourself. Just because you’re single it doesn’t mean that you can’t have fun, if anything it gives you free reign to go out and find exactly what makes you tick.

DON’T – Feel pressured to find someone else. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being single, in fact it’s kind of amazing, so there is no rush to find Mr or Mrs right. But don’t be afraid to date either, it can be a lot of fun meeting new people and seeing what is out there, just keep it light and don’t put too much pressure on settling down. You’ve all the time in the world. Besides, you will know when you’ve found The One.

 Jennie at Travel To Recovery –

DO – Travel. I often get told “I cant go travelling because I am single” I am not sure if they are worried about safety or not having support but being single is totally the best time to go travelling you can do what you want when you want with no silly arguments. If still worried about travelling alone hook up with another single friend or even join group travel its amazing. I am actually so glad I am single that I can travel when and where I want.

DON’T – Go on a romantic holiday if you are single.

Charlotte at Memoirs and Musings –

DO – Travel solo.

DON’T – Go back to your ex. It’s like opening a wound and expecting it not to hurt.

Emma at Carpe Diem Emmie –

DO – Cry and eat lots of chocolate!

DON’T – Fall in the bed of another person, it’ll only confuse you.

Clare at The Money Freak

DO – Build up a reliable network of friends to talk to.

DON’T – Think your worth is based on being in a relationship.

Sarah at The S Road

DO – Be selfish and put yourself first. Develop your existing hobbies or start new ones. Go on holiday on your own. Spend loads of time with your friends and family. Enjoy it!

DON’T – Wait for a partner to go on holiday to that amazing destination. It’ll be just as amazing alone! Don’t think your life will magically change with a partner. Don’t listen to anyone else’s opinion about when you should be in a relationship.

Sophie at Wife, Mother, Life –

 DO – Travel, don’t hang about, go have that mad adventure you’ve always dreamed of!

DON’T – Settle! Don’t settle for the partner that doesn’t get you, wait. Learn to love yourself and let that become the standard that prospective partners need to surpass.

Victoria at Our Life On Sea –

DO – Surround yourself with good friends so you have someone close to call and talk through things, someone you can pop into for dinner and share your day with.

DON’T – Stay at home alone – join classes, the gym or volunteer. 

Cristina at Criddle Me This –

DO – All the things you love. Spend time pampering yourself, enjoying hobbies and getting to know how fabulous you are single again.

DON’T– Look back. It’s so hard but until you realise it’s over, you will never move on.

Annelies at The Frugal Frenchie –

DO – Learn to embrace and love yourself, you don’t need a partner to feel good!.

DON’T – Fall into a relationship where it’s all give and no take. Relationships must be based upon equality otherwise it’ll wear you down, know your worth!.

Luan at A Life Of Lovely

DO – Spend time exploring new hobbies and enjoy new things.

DON’T – Rush into another relationship. You can be happy single.

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10 Things You Can Do To Reinvent Yourself After A Break Up

 I’ve written quite a few posts about relationships and life as a single woman and its been amazing to read your comments, whether you’re sharing your own personal experiences or an opinion, its so appreciated.

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This is another relationship related post BUT it is a little different than what I’ve done before… I have joined forces with the lovely Wini Boansi to share tips on how you can reinvent yourself after a breakup. Wini is a content creator/writer and blogger (like myself) and she’s also a vlogger too! – don’t forget to subscribe to her channel.

Wini and I came up with the idea for this post as we felt that a lot of young women would be inspired. I think that we live in a time where too much emphasis is put on the environmental aspect of getting over a break up (e.g: don’t listen to sad songs) but I think that getting over a break up lies in reinvention. Reinvention is essential because you’re not the same person once you’ve had your heart broken or experienced a disappointment, so looking within is a must…

How to reinvent yourself after a breakup by Wini

READ

Knowledge is power so taking in useful information and tips (such as what you are currently reading) is definitely a step in the right direction. Read books, blogs, forums, articles etc. on various ways you can overcome a break-up. Alexandra Redcay’s talk on selecting the right relationship is a real eye opener.

After a previous breakup, I realised that I was not confident about myself. Coincidentally I stumbled across a blog and the owner of the blog had written a book entitled Men Don’t Love Women Like You .The title is bizarre I know, however the book provides multiple ways on how to become confident within yourself, as well as tips to use when you are ready to start dating again. (I promise you that this book is empowering and has done wonders for me!)

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NEW HOBBY

Definitely pick up a new hobby. Were you thinking about getting involved with yoga? Do your research and find out where the nearest yoga class is! Into make up? Why not kick-start that blog or YouTube channel that you’ve been contemplating about for the past 6 months? Now is the time to preoccupy your time and mind with a hobby that compliments the new you.

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Whatever new hobby you take on, make sure it is something that adds positivity and value to your life. Make sure it puts a smile on your face and excites you. Even if it is something you have not previously thought about doing, what’s the harm in trying something new? Step outside of your comfort zone.

PAMPER YOURSELF

Breakups may not always end badly, however, the fact of the matter is that you are no longer in a relationship with someone you once cared for. During this time, you may feel low or very reflective about the situation. Rather than staying fixated on what could have been, try to do little things to make you feel good.

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Below is a list of a few ways:

A trip to the nail shop

Cook or order in your favourite food

Relaxing bath

Spa Day/Weekend

COMMUNICATION

Communication is key. During a breakup you may experience emotions that you’ve never felt before. Talking to someone can make a difference. Confide in someone you trust: it can be a family member, friend, a professional or it might even be with a stranger that you cross paths with while on your travels… you never know. For those of you who are more introverted why not try writing a journal? You will gain confidence in expressing your thoughts and feelings in various ways.

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  MINDFULNESS & MEDITATION

Mindfulness and meditation can help you to manage your emotions and thoughts after a breakup. 

Acknowledging how you feel about the situation, and not suppressing your emotions is key. You need to understand why you feel the way that you do, and if while meditating you can’t quite understand why, try writing down how you feel, exactly how it comes to mind.

Although we may have no control over the breakup, we do have control on how we allow the break up to affect us. Doing a simple thing such as closing your eyes and focusing on your breathing, your feelings and thoughts, is key to overcoming your breakup.

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If at anytime you are feeling tempted to react harshly/negatively close your eyes and meditate on that idea. Reflect on what the possible consequences of reacting that way may be, and try to find a compassionate way of dealing with the situation. Forgiveness is not compulsory, but if you feel that it may be the best way to let go of any hostile feelings, use mindfulness and meditation to aid that decision.

How to reinvent yourself after a breakup by Kelle

PRAY

Prayer has provided me with so much clarity since my break up. If you don’t pray, then alternatively you can practice meditation instead. Prayer allows you to open yourself up spirituality, without a fear of judgement or condemnation. When you pray, I would advise that you be completely honest with yourself. Tell God how you are really feeling, after all, he is your Father and he will comfort you through good times and bad times.

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I remember watching a T.D Jakes sermon about a week after I had moved back home. Everything he was saying related to what I went through and I remember trying to be so strong, taking it all in but within seconds I started to cry. I realised that I needed that outlet, so to add to Wini’s earlier point, if you need to cry, cry. If you need to shout, scream, kick, break: just do it. It’s all a part of the healing process which will allow you to move on with your life.

SOCIALISE

This is always a challenging one because women especially are taught to stay indoors, eat the biggest box of chocolates and watch romantic movies until the tears start falling. It’s time to get rid of this way of thinking because it does more harm than good. Now is the time to keep yourself busy. Becoming single (especially if it’s sudden) will shock your system and you’ll find you have a lot of spare time on your hands so socialising is essential.

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Meet up with that friend you haven’t seen in a few months, visit your favourite restaurant, go to the library, attend workshops related to areas you may be interested in, take a class at the gym instead of using equipment all the time…the opportunities for socialising are endless. Get yourself out there, don’t hide. You are entering a new chapter in your life and you should do it with your head held high. I’m not saying you should go out every weekend or fill up your diary, monitor your social activities and of course, if it does become overwhelming, take a step back. There’s nothing wrong with a nice glass of wine, good food and Netflix.

LOOK WITHIN

I’ve discussed looking within in my posts: Operation Build A Man and Musings Of An Introvert. This is something that some women fail to do. In the minds of some women, it is always the man’s fault. This type of thinking is very unhealthy because you won’t be able to reflect and evaluate your behaviour in your relationship. Honesty IS the best policy and it’s not conducive to what we tell others, we also have to be honest with ourselves too!

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You may decide to identify your personality type. I found out I’m an INFJ and I have to say, this has helped me understand myself a great deal. You can also write down things you like about yourself and what you think could be improved on. In addition to getting to know yourself better, you have to take a look around you. Are you surrounding yourself with people who bring out the best in you? Are your circle positive, uplifting and supportive?

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I would really encourage women out there who have gone through a difficult break up to self evaluate. As mentioned earlier, you won’t be the same person you were before: your character will change, you will have new needs/expectations/goals in life and in personal relationships, so keep an open mind. The ‘I Am Who I Am’ complex is self destructive and will not do you any favours.

DECLUTTER

Invest in something that improves your space and enhances your wellbeing. I’m not saying you have to remodel your home or redesign your room but there are little things that you can do to improve your surroundings. Do you have things that you want to give to charity? Would a book organiser be a welcome addition to your table? Is there an old computer or stereo that you need to get rid of? If the answer is yes, then take action because it has been psychologically proven that cleaning improves mental and physical health.

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Reinventing yourself after a breakup (especially a difficult one) isn’t easy but you are in control of the healing process. Take steps to work towards a happier, healthier and more confident you. No situation is permanent and you have the ability to bounce back from any setback life brings to your door. Think positive, be positive.

I hope you enjoyed this post guys and as always, feel free to leave a comment below. Also, don’t forget to like and subscribe to Wini’s blog, channel (there are links at the top of the post) and to IKS

I created a thread on Twitter last year about getting over a break up which can be found here

Kel xo

20 Lessons I’ve Learned As A Single Woman

In this post, I’m going to share all the lessons I have learnt during this period of single-dom. I think that there are so many negative connotations that come with being single but it can actually be (and has proven to be) a very transformational period in a woman’s life. Contrary to what society may think or suggest, choosing to be single or being single for a long time doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you or that you’re picky…

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1) The first few months as a single person WILL be challenging (do not listen to anyone who tells you they will not be).

You will cry, you will smile, you will experience a multitude of emotions all at once.

2) Understand that you are embarking on a new journey and you will need to get to know yourself again, no matter how self assured you feel.

3) It really is better to be alone and happy than to be unhappy in a relationship. If you are not happy, walk away.

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4) A relationship should be your safe haven. Any relationship you are in should serve and honour you. If it doesn’t, you need to leave.

5) Don’t be afraid to reevaluate your standards. Know what it is that you want and don’t settle!

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6) Your circle is everything! Surround yourself with people who support and uplift you.

7) You will have times where you will reminisce and wonder if you made a mistake. Don’t beat yourself up when this happens, it’s natural to miss what you once had especially if you were in a long term relationship. Be thankful for the times you spent in your union and the lessons it has taught you.

8) You are single because you are supposed to be. Enjoy this period! Work, smile, eat, have fun, do what makes you happy!

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9) Don’t let the opinions of others influence your choices. Just because you have been single for a while, it doesn’t mean you need someone special in your life. You make decisions that are right for you and no one else.

10) Exes will try and come back into your life. This in inevitable. Stay strong, remind yourself of why you had to leave that particular situation.

11) Comparison is the thief of joy. Run your own race. Things may not seem amazing now but everything is coming together for your good.

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12) Don’t feel like a failure because things didn’t work out. It may be hard to accept but everything happens for a reason. If that’s where you were meant to be, things would have flowed effortlessly.

13) Don’t deny your emotions. If you’re not ok, that’s absolutely fine. We all have moments when we aren’t ourselves. It’s life.

14) Keep your head up, look forward and smile.

15) Don’t settle! Don’t settle! Don’t settle.

16) Affirmations are everything, especially if you are finding it hard to lift your mood. Affirm that you are worthy of love and other positive self talk. Remember that you attract what you magnify.

17) Everyone who shows you attention isn’t worthy of your time.

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18) Your time, energy and space are SO precious. Invest carefully.

19) Treat yourself! Don’t be afraid to treat yourself. Get your hair done, take yourself out to eat, go and watch your favourite film. Do the things you enjoy! Learn how to enjoy your own company.

20) Own this moment in your life. You don’t owe anyone any explanations.

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Over the past year and a half, I have learned so much. I can honestly say that I haven’t taken this period in my life for granted. One thing I would advice single women (and men) to do is have an open mind. You have to love yourself before you can truly love someone else. Don’t be afraid of this season. One day, you will look back and you will be grateful for this period in your life.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this post.

For those of you who are struggling to move on from a breakup, I created this thread on Twitter about a year ago which you can view here.

Don’t forget to like, subscribe and tell your friends about my space.

Kel xo