If you are an avid user of Twitter like I am, then I’m sure you came across the hashtag or trending topic, Fraud Bae and wondered what was going on. Twitter was going crazy when it was revealed that a young lady who goes by the Twitter name @blessed_angell revealed that she was defrauded by a man she was dating. The tea in that thread was something else! I won’t go into details, if you are interested in reading it, click here.
As a woman, it saddens me when I hear or read stories about women being taken advantage of. In the case of #FraudBae, the victim was lucky to have gotten justice because lots of women do not. Another thing that has been highlighted in this whole fiasco is the importance of paying attention to signs. Signs are ALWAYS there, this can’t be denied. It is up to us whether we ignore them or act on them.
In this post, I’m going to be sharing 10 things that I believe we can all learn from the story of #FraudBae
Stop giving men money!
Yes, I said it and I’ll say it again, stop giving men money. Takers love to take and they never give. You may think you’re being nice or supportive by providing a man with financial help, but before you know it, you’ll realise most of your paycheck is gone. If a man hasn’t got a sense of order when it comes to his finances, you’ve got to run for the hills. He is not the right man for you. If he tries to charm you into giving him money, run for the hills. If his work situation makes no sense, run for the hills. If a guy is desperate for money, he can ask his friends or his momma. You are not a man’s ATM!
Pay attention to signs
The guy at the centre of this scandal was actually accused of domestic violence on Twitter earlier this year. A user claimed that he had been beating her sister and of course the entire TL was shocked. When #FraudBae started his relationship with his victim, he claimed that he had broken up with his girlfriend, who he later took to Paris on her dime. If a guy tells you he has done something, never ever take his word for it straight away. Do research, watch his body language, look out for changes in his behaviour. A lot of men are pursuing other women while they are in relationships and then telling the other woman that they’ve broken up with the main woman and this is usually a lie. Don’t be a victim.
You can walk away from a date
What puzzled quite a few people was that this guy told his victim that he had left his wallet at home and she’d have to pay for everything he had. Baring in mind that this was probably one of their first dates, this is a huge dealbreaker. If a man is pursuing a woman, he should pay for the first few dates. A man who can actually leave his house without his wallet isn’t a man, he’s an opportunist. If you ever find yourself in a position like this, exercise your right to leave. Just postpone the date.
Look into anyone you’re dating
There is no way such terrible actions can ever be condoned but if you are dating or talking to someone, do your research! Don’t be afraid to check out their social media profiles or anything else you can feast on your eyes on. It’s not being stalker-ish. You owe it to yourself to look out for you. Don’t believe things as soon as they are said to you. Also, pay attention to character. Do their actions match their words? Are they a clear and confident communicator? In the early stages ladies, your job is to sit back and observe.
Trust your gut instinct
In one tweet, the victim did say that she suspected the perpetrator of having a girlfriend. I cannot stress how important it is to trust your gut. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Again, paying attention to any changes in behaviour will help you out. Can they only meet you on weekends? Has their personality drastically changed? (for better or worse). Your gut will never let you down. If there’s no trust, there is no relationship.
Talk to the people around you
This may be controversial but I do believe to a certain extent, that women who live alone and are prone to useless men and time wasters. I feel like a useless man sees a self sufficient woman as a lottery ticket. All they need to do is get the right numbers, so basically do the right things and then they’ve hit the jackpot. If you’re not going to trust your gut, then try to talk to a few close friends about your relationship. Your friends love, support and encourage you and they should be able to pick up on things that might not be right about your relationship in a constructive manner.
Dating is one of society’s biggest challenges right now. You never know who you’re going to meet and what you’re going to experience. I am a big believer in learning from the experiences of others and I would encourage every other woman who is single to do the same. Remember that it is not your job to fix, help or heal anybody’s son. Open your mind, guard your heart and check out if you feel you are being played.
What did you think about the Fraud Bae scandal? What would you have done if it happened to you? What other lessons do you think women could learn from this story?
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