Sometimes The Answer To Your Prayers Is What You Lose

In this post, I will be talking about my life experiences relating to unanswered prayers. The inspiration for this post was this quote:

‘Sometimes the answer to your prayers is what you lose’

This quote resonated with me on a whole other level. I was reminded of a time when I lost the very things I had asked God to help me hold onto. Looking back, I now understand that in order to gain, I had to lose. The past two and a half years have been transformative. I’ve been able to give myself the time, space and energy I needed to grow. In this post, I’m going to be talking about what happened and what each experience taught me:

I said goodbye to a career and a relationship in under a year and this is how it all went down…

In 2012, I got my first degree in Purchasing and Supply Chain Management. In my second year, I knew that I wouldn’t end up working in that field. Although I enjoyed my studies very much, I just knew something wasn’t right. The thing about university is that by the time you leave, you learn so much about yourself. This is why you find a lot of students deciding to change their course in their first or second years. University is a wake-up call because you’ve basically been given three years to prepare for a 40 year career. It’s not a small decision, hence why it’s not for everyone. After I graduated, I wasn’t sure about what I wanted to do so I worked in retail for about two years, and then I decided I wanted to train to become a teacher.

Teacher training seemed like the right thing to do because I loved to learn, share information and most importantly, I loved children. Although challenging at first, I eased my way into everything. I’d gotten used to the long days and long nights, the continuous lesson planning etc. Well, at least I thought I had. By the time my second year came along, I had enough. Had I gone down a different route, (i.e: SCITT), I’d probably still be teaching today. My institution weren’t very supportive so pushing through those last few months was so hard. There was one evening where I just broke down in tears for a good 30 minutes and then continued to plan. That was when I knew teaching just wasn’t for me. In addition to all of this, my personal life began to take a hit, so you can imagine the difficulty of this period in my life, Once I completed my course, I walked away from teaching. One thing I knew was that I wanted to be happy with my career choice, and as a professional, I was so miserable.

Saying goodbye to teaching put me in a position where I was able to trust God’s will for my life. When things are being forced, nothing goes right, and that’s how I felt. As far as I was concerned, I wanted a new beginning and to discern God’s will for my life, and most importantly, to do something that would make me happy. Taking my happiness for granted was not an option for me. You are the only person who is accountable for what you do, say, feel, think etc. I listened to my inner voice and I have no regrets.

Now for those of you who have been reading this blog since its inception, you will know that I had a fiance. We got engaged in Spain after just 10 months of dating. However, two months after our engagement, things started to go wrong (this has been addressed in this post). At first, I was oblivious to it all of the warning signs and I assumed that every couple experienced such issues in their relationships. As far as I was concerned, I was in love, and there was nothing wrong in believing that someone could change and also giving them the time to do so. One of the most important lessons this union taught me about change is that it comes from within. Never try to change anyone.

Having never had a serious boyfriend before, I’ll put my hands up and confess: I had no standards, expectations and no boundaries. I was a walking recipe for a surefire disaster, but I didn’t know this. I didn’t know what I wanted in a partner. Although, I wasn’t that girl who’d have a new man every month, I never took the time to analyse or observe what was happening in a dating situation. I adopted a ‘go with the flow’ approach and if things took a turn for the worst, I would be gone. This was wrong and I’ve realized this as I’ve gotten older. A big part of dating is paying attention to how you feel. Ask yourself how the person you are with makes you feel. There are a lot of people out there who are looking for a place to offload their baggage. These people aren’t looking for love, they are looking for someone to deal with the worst and keep their mouths shut. It can be anything from abuse, addictions, narcissism, infidelity, commitment issues etc.

 

By the time my relationship had come to an end, I was on the receiving end of verbal and emotional abuse. I felt so small. There were days I’d look in the mirror and not even recognize myself. In spite of everything that was going on, I blindly believed that I had something worth holding onto. The truth is if any relationship makes you feel like anything other than who you are, you need to leave. Run for the hills and don’t look back. Making the decision to move in together was a tough one especially at this point. In my mind, if all the troubles eventually went away and things got better, then the relationship was truly worth fighting for. I was in a place where I wanted a return on all of my investment which was again, not a good approach. A partner is not a project. You either take them as they are or you leave them alone. Things continued to deteriorate and to cut a long story short, I became quite unwell and my ex fiance’s lack of empathy was the final straw. That gave me the push I needed to pack my things and move back home.

Life gives and it takes away. As I’ve gotten older, this is something that I’ve come to accept. What may seem just and right to you, may not be what God wants you to have. If someone had told me a year prior that I’d have to say bye to two pivotal things in my life, I would’ve laughed it off. Prayers shouldn’t always be centered on ‘wanting, wishing and needing’, instead we should be asking God for discernment. We should be asking Him to anoint our paths with His divine protection and to remove anything or anyone who tries to get in the way of His plan.

A personal transition can be tough. Trust me, you will have days when you want to hit your head against a brick wall. After I left teaching, I worked in the legal sector for a while, but I didn’t feel like the job gave me the opportunity to utilize my skills. I knew I wanted more, so I left and found a job three months later (which is where I’m working now, and I am really happy). During my time out of work, I wrote a lot of sponsored content for brands and agencies, so that was how I was able to look after myself. Believe me when I say that God came through. I had even rejected a job offer about a week before I got my job. There was something in my spirit that was telling me God had something better, and I would know when the right opportunity presented itself. I had settled in love, but I didn’t want to settle in life.

Fast forward two and a half years and I feel so blessed. I’ve been able to do what I love, travel the world, meet different people and it’s been great. Millennial life has its moments, but I can honestly say that, I wouldn’t change a thing. The trials and hardships have helped to mold me into the woman I am today.

To anyone who is going through a challenging time, keep your head up. Don’t ask yourself ‘why is this happening to me?’, ask yourself ‘what is this trying to teach me?’.

Also, do not deny your emotions. If you want to scream, scream. If you want to cry, cry. If you’re happy, be happy. Denying what you may be feeling during a tough time in your life is like self-torture. Be honest! This will help you develop a greater sense of self!

‘ When within yourself you find the right road, the right road will open’.

‘ Falling down is a part of life. Getting back up is living’

I hope you have enjoyed reading this post. If you’d like to share your own story, please feel free to leave a comment below. I always love to hear from you all.

Kel xo