Things You Should Never Ever Have To Do For Love

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At a time where relationships are being redefined (on most occasions for the worst), knowing your personal limits in any situation you may find yourself in is more important than ever. Relationships mean different things to different people, and there are certain things that nobody should ever do in the name of love. Contrary to the well known saying, love doesn’t conquer all. Love is at the core of our being and we were all born with the ability to love, but at the end of the day, it just isn’t enough in some instances. In this post, I’m going to be talking about a few things that nobody should do because of love:

Ditch your family and your friends – This tends to happen in relationships where one person is controlling. I was in a relationship where I was told by a partner that I didn’t need any friends ‘because I had them now’. If they don’t encourage to isolate yourself from your loved ones immediately, they may start to complain about how often you talk to your mother or maybe get confrontational just as you are about to go out with your friends. Never allow anyone to strip you of your support network. It is possible to have love in your life and have good relationships with your friends and family. Anyone who doesn’t or refuses to understand this isn’t worthy of your time.

Neglect your health and wellbeing – We have got to stop normalizing ‘letting yourself go’ in relationships. Most people who have let themselves go (in any form) in a relationship have regretted this. The term ‘letting go’ has such a negative connotation in a romantic context. Nobody should feel like they need to let go of themselves in order to be loved. That basically implies that we are not enough, and that in order to feel complete, we need to leave parts of our character behind. Taking pride in your authenticity is nothing to be ashamed of. Love, when it’s right, shouldn’t push you to a point where you forget who you are and what makes you happy because no partner would ever be able to fill that void.

Change career/job – If you’ve always been career oriented, then your partner should support this. I’ve heard one too many stories where a woman has changed her career for her partner, and regretted it later. The same applies if your partner tries to make you feel bad about an opportunity that has come your way. This isn’t acceptable. Changing for another person doesn’t amplify your effect as a partner and honestly speaking, it opens up the door to a lot of resentment. Imagine finding yourself in a situation where you have to remind the person you love that you have taken on a whole new career for them. They will tell you that is was your choice, and they’ll be right. Holding on to your sense of identity and protecting your peace go hand in hand. Don’t lose yourself for love.

Make your partner your entire life – Every woman has done this at least once in their lifetime: you meet an awesome guy and things couldn’t be better than they already are, and before you know it, you’ve made them your life. Everything you do revolves around them, and you probably don’t even realise that you did this until the relationship has ended. No matter who you meet, you have to be the centre of YOUR world. As far as relationships are concerned, you are basically inviting another person into your world and vice versa. It is impossible for another human to complete you. They can enhance the quality of your life (as they should) but never look to love as a way of healing, fixing or nurturing whatever may be going on inside you. I mentioned something in my last blog post about people not really knowing how to be single. This excerpt from this article ends this point perfectly: ‘ When you make someone else ‘everything’ you are saying that everything else – yourself included – is nothing’.

Let go of your standards, expectations, boundaries etc – Again, another cause for concern. When you let go of your standards, expectations and boundaries in any relationship, you are doing yourself a huge disservice. Settling for less should never be an option and I can’t stress this enough. When you settle for less than you deserve, you feel burnt out, lost and depleted. Whether you are single or not, knowing what you are looking for in a partner is so important. Vlogger and influencer, Breeny Lee talked about this in one of her videos. I highly agree with a point she made about separating your wants from your needs. A lot of women know what they want, but they don’t really know what it is that they need. Your wants will blow hot and cold but your needs are what is required in order to have a healthy and mutually fulfilling relationship. Check in with yourself as and when you need to so you can be sure that you aren’t selling yourself short.

Settle for bad treatment – Staying with someone who treats you poorly at all isn’t worth it at all. The minute disrespect starts to creep in, your relationship is headed for disaster. In order for a relationship to work, love and respect need to be at the foundation of your union. So many women settle for poor treatment because they believe that one day, their partner will see what they are doing and will automatically change. You don’t need a return on investment. What you need is to accept the L and move on with your life! Once things have been done or words have been said, your relationship will never really be able to return to how it was before.

Iย  think the biggest reason why people settle in crappy relationships is because they are scared to be alone. A fear of being single is more common than many would think, and I wish that people would talk about it more. Single people will go through episodes where the thought of being alone will ignite a feeling of terror and there is nothing wrong with this. I have had moments where I’ve thought to myselfย  ‘single life sucks’ but that isn’t going to make me jump into a relationship because I’m worrying if the right one will never come! Acting on impulse never breeds the outcome you desire. Bad treatment never goes away, so remove yourself from any relationship where you are made to feel like any less than who you are.

Keep things in – Conflict isn’t a bad thing and more people need to take note of this! There’s nothing wrong with having disagreements. Conflict is healthy because it allows you to express yourself. Holding everything in or expecting your partner to read your mind will never do you any favours. Humans are not mind readers, and this includes your partner. You can’t expect everyone to know what you’re thinking or how you are feeling at any given time. On the other hand, if you are being discouraged from talking about your feelings or emotions, then that’s a huge cause for concern. Keeping things in to protect another person’s feelings is dangerous. Something to will tip you over the edge will eventually happen. If conflict starts to feel like something that can only happen once in a blue moon then you ultimately have two choices: either address the issue or leave.

Defining love and relationships on your own terms is so important. Society has become fixated with telling us what to or what not to expect. The truth of the matter is that you have the right to set your own expectations, and not just in love but in all areas of your life. Losing yourself in a relationship can create a sense of hopelessness. You shouldn’t have to compromise who you are or pretend to be someone else in the name of love. Keep true to yourself and you will attract the right relationships into your life.

What is something you will never do in the name of love? Have you ever done something in the name of love and regretted it?

Thank you all for reading this post – I hope you enjoyed it. As always, I love to hear from you so do feel free to leave a comment below, and don’t forget to like and subscribe so that you are first to know whenever there is a new post on the blog.

Kel xo

 

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10 Comments
  • Joseyphina
    July 28, 2019

    Very well said. Great post.

    • itskellesspace
      July 28, 2019

      Thank you! I’m glad you liked the post!

  • Ann H Aschauer
    July 28, 2019

    Good list. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • itskellesspace
      July 29, 2019

      Thank you Ann!

  • Ashley
    July 29, 2019

    Very well said. My brother is just leaving a relationship where his (ex) wife was extremely controlling. He was with her for seven years and had no social life – he even dropped social media – and she would complain whenever he talked to me or my mom. According to her, we all have issues. She also accuses him of being narcissistic when sheโ€™s the one who is.

    Donโ€™t stay in relationships because you โ€œsee who the person could beโ€ if the cons outweigh the pros, get going! Itโ€™s not worth it. This girls only pro was the small spark of humanity that would come out when sheโ€™s had a few drinks.

    • itskellesspace
      July 29, 2019

      Hi Ashley,
      Thanks for your comment. Although this blog is aimed at millennial women, it’s very interesting to hear stories about men having similar experiences in their relationships. I am glad that your brother found the strength to get out of what was clearly a very toxic relationship.
      I agree with what you said entirely – sometimes we put so much emphasis on the pros and we neglect the cons. It really isn’t worth it at all.

  • Ash
    July 30, 2019

    Yes this is so important! Whenever I get caught up I have to remind myself to focus on what is in my best interest. I also reflect on whether I would make the same decisions if I were single. Never compromise who you are and what youโ€™re here to do for your partner. It will inevitably create conflict in the relationship. Great post! ๐Ÿ’ž

    • itskellesspace
      July 30, 2019

      Thanks so much for your comment Ash! I’m glad you liked the post ๐Ÿ’–

  • Dani
    July 30, 2019

    These are all such important things to consider! We always think we’re strong & wary enough to never let these things happen to us but when we have on our rose-tinted glasses, these kind of things can become an issue to anyone.

    • itskellesspace
      July 30, 2019

      Absolutely Dani! We tend to say one thing and do another, this is why it’s really important to practice self love consistently.

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Things You Should Never Ever Have To Do For Love