There’s no such things as the perfect relationship, but being in one that is mutually fulfilling can provide you with a great sense of joy. Sharing your life with some you love and trust is one of the greatest moments that we can ever experience. However, what we must not do when we get into a relationship is forget ourselves.
In order to be in the relationships that we deserve, there are a number of things that we should stop doing. I’ve joined forces with Tasha from A Soulful Storm to share a few pointers:
Don’t lower your standards – Understand what your values and preferences are. For example, religion might be a core value of yours that you won’t be willing to compromise on. Other preferences include physical features such as height and characteristics such as good with children etc. The best way to navigate dating is staying true to your beliefs and not compromising on a core value. Once you know what your values and preferences are, there’s no need for negotiation. Pay no mind to people who say your standards are too high. You hold the key to what you will and will not tolerate.
Do not ignore the red flags – Red flags never go away. Repeat after me: red flags never go away. If you notice them, don’t ignore them because they will only get worse over time. One of my red flags is controlling men. Men who told women what to do in an instructive rather than suggestive manner are a cause for concern. I once dated a guy who said he will ‘give me permission to cut off my hair’. Permission? At this point, we were talking for only two weeks. I didn’t understand where the desire to control my decisions came from. Things came to a head soon after that conversation.
Don’t date someone who has just got out of a relationship – As someone who has made the mistake of doing this, do not date someone who is fresh out of a relationship. You’d only be setting yourself up to walk through a minefield. emotional baggage. You might end up hearing the ex’s name a lot. You might even have to deal with comparisons or even the ex making an appearance. This is very annoying if you are like and despise drama. Do yourself a favor and let this person take whatever amount of time that is necessary for them to heal and figure out who they are outside the relationship that they have just left behind. For your own peace of mind, do not end up becoming someone’s rebound. It sucks.Do not try and change the person you are dating – Please don’t be this person. Yes, as human we evolve, we change, and we grow. I was deeply invested in football in my early twenties, now I barely care about that happens in the Premier League. Although this could be the price, I pay for being an Arsenal supporter. I have a male friend who is also introducing to neo-soul for the past year and he has been a huge influence over most the music I listen to know. People who come into our lives to help us grown. However, when you make it your mission to change someone’s sense of fashion, personal interests or fashion for them to fit the mold of what you want them to be then that’s not good.The best example I can give of this is Sandy from the film Grease. I always found it jarring how the end conclusion of the story was that Sandy had to change her entire image, even start smoking in order for Danny to treat her right. It’s not that he didn’t care for her, but the virginal, Girl-Next-Door image didn’t fit in with the narrative that he had created for himself at school. So, she had to change, or their relationship was doomed to fail. Do not try and make someone into a character that you dreamt up for them.
Don’t neglect your needs – If you follow me on Twitter, you will know that I am a fan of the Baggage Reclaim Podcast. In a recent episode titled ‘Bark Like A Dog’, Natalie talks about something I had become so familiar with (especially in my last relationship), your dating and relationship self. When a relationship appears to be going well, don’t feel like you need to be anything other than who you are. Once you fail to stay true to yourself, you neglect your needs. We all deserve to be loved in our own special way. Getting too comfortable can be a recipe for disaster if you are not careful. Speak up, be vocal about your needs. Being the woman who acts like she has no needs won’t do you any favours in the long run. Being open and receptive to your needs should strengthen your relationship (and vice versa). If this has the opposite effect, then there’s a possibility your union is not meant to be.
Don’t be inauthentic – This is an extension of the previous point. Authenticity is all about being your true self – if you are authentic, you are ‘not false or copied; genuine or real’. One of the biggest problems the dating and relationship world has right now is authenticity. Don’t sell yourself or your dreams, be yourself and trust that what is for you will not pass you by. A lack of authenticity will make you feel like you are living from a step by step manual every second of the day. It’s robotic. You won’t be able to have the relationship your heart truly desires because you don’t have a sound understanding of what it is you are expecting from your other half. If you are being someone other than yourself just so they can like or love you, or you are tempted to be someone else, then you need to ask yourself some very important questions.
Don’t ditch your friends- Most women have made this mistake at least once at some point in their lives. You are in a new and exciting relationship and you want to spend every moment with your new partner but don’t forget the fact that you had a life before they came into the picture. Healthy relationships are all about balance. Know when to be together and appreciate the times when you are apart. As they say, absence does make the heart grow fonder. One thing I try to do on this platform is share my experiences with you all, so please be weary if you are with anyone who actively does things to ruin your friendships or who tells you that you don’t need friends. This is a sign of controlling behaviour which can possibly manifest into abuse and even violence. Please stay woke ladies!
Don’t take your partner for granted – We hear so many stories about men taking women for granted that I’m sure some of us have fallen under the assumption that women don’t take their significant others for granted. This isn’t true at all. If you have a partner that treats you like a queen, is kind and appreciates you, always remind them of how grateful you are to have them in your life. Good hearts these days are hard to find. A little bit of reassurance and appreciation does go a long way.
Thanks to Tasha for collaborating with me on this post – do check out A Soulful Storm and don’t forget to like and subscribe.
I hope you have enjoyed reading this post! Do you think there are things women should stop doing in relationships? As always, I love to hear from you all so do leave a comment and don’t forget to like and subscribe.