For those of you who are watching Love Island, you will know that the original boys were sent to Casa Amor. Casa Amor is a whole new villa where the male contestants go to meet six new girls. Once they’ve spent a few days in the villa, they will then choose whether to remain in their original couple or return to the main villa with their new lady in tow. It is the ‘ultimate relationship test’.
You’re probably wondering why I’m banging on about Love Island but after last night’s episode, I think that there is so much women can learn about romantic relationships. Shaughna, who is a contestant on the show, was originally in a couple with Callum. It was clear to see that she was way more into him than he was into her, but Shaughna was confident that they would go all the way. Unfortunately, Callum has returned from Casa Amor with Molly and so many fans were heartbroken for Shaughna.
The most important lesson women can take away from this scenario is to not put all of your eggs in one basket. There’s nothing wrong with liking a guy but if you ever find yourself wondering if you like him more than he likes you, then it is time to reconsider. Here are some of the signs:
He isn’t open about his feelings – Any woman’s top priority when looking for a relationship should be emotional availability. If a man is emotionally unavailable, he won’t be able to express himself. This will leave you not knowing where you stand at all, and it is a terrible place to be. In the show, Shaughna was very open about her feelings while Callum was quite standoffish. At times, their union seemed very forced and for those of you who are on Twitter, you’ve probably seen many pictures of Callum looking like he’s been held hostage. We can all talk about how we feel: whether those feelings are good or bad. If he’s backing away from feeling-related conversations and you are not, then you aren’t on the same page and it’s time to bid that boy farewell.
You do the most to impress him – Societal conditioning has made many women feel like they need to go above and beyond to even get a second look from a man. Women nowadays are challenging this narrative, and rightly so. If you can’t be yourself around a man, then that man isn’t for you. Putting on a whole persona that is inauthentic and forced is never the right thing to do. Now, I’m not saying Shaughna wasn’t herself but I do believe she tweaked parts of her personality in order to keep things steady with Callum. Relationships are all about balance. Once you know yourself, you’ll have a good understanding of the types of guys you can and can’t entertain. When you are the one steering a relationship, your heart is more into it than his. It’s just not worth the investment. Relationships are 100:100 and this should never be up for negotiation.
He continues to date other people – If you’ve told a guy how you really feel about him and you’ve confirmed your exclusive but he continues to date other people? Let it go. Loyalty means different things to different people. Dating isn’t subjective: you’ll come across some people who want to date one person at a time while the rest date five people and successfully juggle them all (don’t ask, I have never done this). When a guy has feelings for you and only you, he won’t even think about entertaining other girls. The nation knew that the minute Callum went to Casa Amor, he would be coming back with another girl. His complete disregard for the fact that he was in a couple was surprising but not shocking. He rarely told Shaughna how he felt about her and you could tell she was the one moving things along (at times with hesitation). As the popular relationship quote says: ‘Never let anyone be your priority if you are only their option’
You are always making the first move – This isn’t limited to just approaching a guy. If whatever you do is spearheaded by you the majority of the time then you are in a one-sided relationship. As I mentioned in my earlier point, relationships are 100:100. Both parties’ efforts need to match. Some women are under the impression that if they do the most in a relationship, the guy they are with will fall in love once he sees all the effort that’s been put in to the relationship. The sad reality is some men see this effort and they know they don’t feel the same way but they decide to use it to their advantage.
If you find that you are always making the first move, then stop. All you can do is stop making contact for a few days and see what happens. If he makes absolutely no effort to get in touch, then he’s just not that into you. From the moment this series of Love Island started, it was clear to see that Shaughna had her heart set on Callum. Within days she was referring to him as ‘her man’.
From the moment their coupling began to the day he left for Casa Amor, Callum never used the girlfriend title or even discussed the possibility of taking things to the next level with Shaughna. There’s an interesting level of excitement that hits when you meet a guy you like. It’s completely natural but what it must not do is overpower your emotions and your thinking process. This is the reason why Shaughna is now a single woman.
This guide isn’t exhaustive as there are numerous signs that you may like a guy more than he likes you. In the early stages of dating especially, you should never put all of your eggs in one basket. Now, I’m not saying that all single women should date multiple men at once but what I do think women should do is use the power that is discernment. If you are able to use discernment when it comes to dating, then you’ll know what’s good or bad, what’s helpful or not helpful. It takes time but if your desire is a healthy and mutually fulfilling relationship, you will not settle for anything less than you deserve.
What would you say would be a sign that a girl likes a guy more than he likes her? What advice would you give to someone who finds themselves in a similar situation to Shaughna?
I know Love Island is just TV but it’s surprising how many women let themselves go completely, all in the name of ‘like’, let alone ‘love’.
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